I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
