69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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