Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
