Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
