So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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