Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
