She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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