i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
