your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
