I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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