Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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