so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
