just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
