We're facebook friends in real life
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
