wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
