As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
