Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
