at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
