dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
