She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
