In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
