it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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