very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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