I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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