Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
