I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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