Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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