how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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