I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
