I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
