Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
