Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
