im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
