You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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