worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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