What a fucking waste of an outfit
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
