but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
