We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
