and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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