Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
