You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
