i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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