Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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