4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
