there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
