some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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