if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
