I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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