And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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