then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
