I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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