we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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