oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
