Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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