I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
tonight lets celebrate not being married
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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