ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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