No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i've created a new STD.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
