Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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