Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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